Last time i'm writing about you

i just came to a realization. i have come to a very straight fact that i've been avoiding all along:

I might have been in love with the idea of you.
I..maybe i am not in love with you.
i am in love with the idea of you.

and that scares me. a lot.
I like having a something that i'd like to call mine. I like having a feeling of loving someone.
and maybe that's the problem.
I end up covering what is actually happening with something i wish to happen. Whenever anything went wrong, i sugar coated it with a sad melo song from stupid korean drama i watched, or i was trying to make a theory of some "inside meaning" or "secret meaning" from what was happening.


I was--I was taking a photo of you in every angle and choosing the best angles from what i've taken and i--i, i nailed, glued that best shot with best angle deep to my mind, hard and secure.

what i was trying to say is: i failed to see you as who you are.
I actually knew it all along--i saw it. And i swept it aside and continue picture the idea of you that i had in my mind.

i just do not want to believe that you actually that such kind of a person. Whatever they told me--That messes up with my theory--that--that messes up with brain.

but i think it's time already.

i'm so sorry that i failed to see you as who you actually are. We both wrong and confused. We did.

But it's the curtain call. How they burned bridges is actually what they really are, they said.
i do not want to believe it, but i do. I have to.

i've hurt so much that i supossed to. I've endured a lot and nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I will continue to cry, i will continue to miss the hell out of you, but, i'll bear it. I'll live with it. It will hurt until it won't. and i cannot wait for that to happen.

I do not know that this words will reach you or not. But just letting you know, if it does, man, you still care.


and it's time to say this. 
I am in love with the idea of you. 

wish you lots of happiness, always.


-
forever an angel, broaden its wings to greater happiness.