All that matters

This is what loving you feels like:

It feels like i was tip-toeing after sneaking out from my house after midnight—tried to not wake anyone up, there's this quite rush of little adrenaline came along—sneaky giggles—and it's like somebody was tickling my heart. It's like i have committed a little sin, wishing nobody noticed, yet i took little chance to do it again, took a glimpse if anyone sees it, and do it again.

It's like eating something that you know do not healthy for you. Although it doesn't taste that good sometimes, you just keep eating it, taking it, gulp it down your throat. Cause it's the easy way—it keeps you full and help you sleep easier at night. You keep eating it—knowing it bad for you, knowing someday it could mess you up, knowing someday it could kill the hell out of you. Yet you are excited every time you eat it.

It feels like somebody tuck you sleep at night, it feels like you are sleeping beside your mom. It feels like sipping a hot chocolate in a cold raining night. It feels like a hot shower after long tired day. It feels like blanket and pillows that seizing your body at your little air-conditioned room. It feels like hugging somebody. It feels—warm. 

It feels like maze. It feels like i'm walking in a never ending maze. It feels like i was thrown in a raging ocean, and was forced to survive on my own—i was forced to go along the strong current—let my body flow with it, be it a big rough rock, i was pleaded to get hurt with it, feels every bloody wound that comes along the way, and still, i was smiling.

It feels like a math problem i could never solve. When one answer came up, it was never quite right. It's like deciding to jump at a edge of the world, but before you take the step, all the thoughts suddenly drowning your mind about what its right and wrong. Loving you makes my right feels wrong, my right feels right, my wrong feels right, and my wrong feels wrong. 

Loving you made me feel like... like.. i'm actually a good person. I've never felt like i am a good person until you've told me so. Loving you, makes me a better person, i guess. If what we had was never real—let it be it, let heaven decided it to be. Cause i know that what i felt was true, even just a bit, what i felt at that time was mine and belongs to me only. I don't care if anybody say it otherwise and nobody could ever take it from me. I feel what i feel and it all that matters to me.