An Ode to Myself

my heart beats, telling me i'm still here--alive--breathing
telling me--i'm proud of you, for the things you've achieved or not, i am proud
for the progress--the hardship

i am proud

i am proud for the weird songs you listen to, for the OCDs- for the kind words that you've given even when you were hurting- for the flashbacks- for the breakdown- for the dances- for the mistakes- for things that made you realize that you were a human being--

not everyday is a happy day, but not everyday is sad either,

but at least, for today,
i am me, i am me, i'm grateful i am me.


this is an ode to myself--

this is an ode to myself.

11.11

tonight, like any other night

i crawled in bed, about to sleep

but suddenly so many thoughts pop up onto my mind

about responsibility, work, stuff

especially, today. it hits hard, i feel quite sentimental tonight; 49 minutes to tomorrow.

and you know, it rains. i cant help it, right?

ah, it's cold, too.

anyway..

i feel like something's kinda off, kinda missing lately.

have i been feeling less lately? sure, i have not talked much for the past month, because, oh well, quarantine.

it that is?

i laugh less, less sad, less happy, too.

less busy, less work, loooots of sleep.

i look at sky often, i tapes them, too.

it is actually nice to stay home all day. i work until evening and then quickly shower to close the day. It became a routine now. Talking to my friends by phone only now. But that too, i do less now. You could say i'm kinda lazy. Everything's fine..

but

something's missing.. something's off.

i wonder... what is it?

tell me about your day

nights without you
weekends spent without you
it's easier now

hang out with friends
meet new people
But when I’m on my way back home

tears suddenly shed 

i want to hear your voice
so tell me about your day
i just thought about you
how are you doing now?
sorry for calling you suddenly
it was a tough day
your voice
I just wanted to hear it
That’s it, really

i’m the one who left you
no, i didn’t want to see you ever again
But today, I miss you
i need the you who are familiar to me

i want to hear your voice
so tell me about your day
i just thought about you
how are you doing?
i’m not doing so well these days, to be honest
i hate myself 

but
your voice
I just wanted to hear it right now
I’m sorry

so I’m sorry
sorry for being like this
for bothering you
I’m sorry
But I miss you
i want to talk to you all night
i don’t even know
why I’m doing this

i want to hear your voice
so just say anything
like you did before
laugh and call me by my name
i miss the days you comforted me
it was all you
i’m so sorry
i know you’re busy
i won’t call you anymore

but after hearing your voice
makes me miss you even more

-kwon jin ah/tell me about your day