wholeheartedly

For once,

I wanna be someone first choice

not the one they have lesson with 

I wanna be the one they focused on

I wanna be the one they fight to be with

They wanna be with

I dont wanna be the one they look for when things are hard and forgets when things are good

I dont want to be the distraction from their problem

I want to be the one they stressed about

for once,

i wanna be hold so tight cause they dont think they will ever find someone else like me anymore

for once,

i wanna be loved so so much their heart hurts while thinking of me

for once,

i want to be the one they beg universe for--they pray for even when they dont believe in any god--i want to be loved that much

cause i think im gonna cry

i think i might cry

i want to be loved as deep as i love

when will i experience that? im scared that i'll never experience that at all. And on top of that, im a hopeless romantic? I live to love and be loved. 

I know life isn't all about that

But i think i'll be so so sorry for me if i don't ever get to experience in this lifetime. I wanna be loved so bad. I wanna be loved wholeheartedly.

Might have

I might’ve loved you a little bit

I’m asking for a favor,

Would you please grant it?

Please dont smile at me like that will you?

Please, please don’t ever make that kind of face when i talk to you

Im getting my hopes up, you see

You are someone else’s and i dont wanna get into another heartbreak

I just wanna live comfortably

I’ve been good you know? I feel at peace, i do have a little crush here and there, but no heartbreak

But you creep in so sudden into my consciousness—my late night thoughts, thinking about what your action could’ve mean

Please, please dont do this to me

Once i love, i love deeply, i love hard, and its not easy to get out

So please, if you just want to play.. please stop

Cause i might’ve loved you a little bit..

muse

i havent met my soulmate yet
but i picture him looks just like you
i bet he smile just like you
and walk like you do
i bet he dresses the way you are
i dont know what future brings me
but now i draw him based off you
you might not be my soulmate
but you for sure are my muse

june

Me and my solitude

i think im doing fine on my own

but june has been treating me like so rough i think i might need a little bit of you

a little bit of whisper 

a little bit of your smile

a little bit of your...

i felt like crying but i could not cry

sometimes i reread my old poems just to feel something

i guess i just love to be sad; to be drowned in my misery

guess.. i'm just kinda sad

thats it

sederhana

kurasa cinta sesederhana itu.
hanyalah sebuah tubuh yang bisa dipeluk lama-disaat dunia sedang runtuh-runtuhnya.
hanya sepasang mata yang sendu dan saling berbagi lara tanpa kata--karena ia telah memilih untuk menerima apa adanya.
hanya sebuah gestur sederhana-yang kerap kasat mata, tapi seolah berkata "aku akan disini saja, tidak usah takut, dan semua akan baik-baik."
aku tahu manusia tidak boleh dijadikan rumah--karena hati mereka kerap pergi tanpa tanda.
tapi kamu telah terlanjur menjadi tempat ternyamanku.
jangan pergi-pergi, ya.

around the corner

There's many ways to tell people that you love them. Some people are straightforward, they just dive in and tell the significant other that they adore them. Some people do silently. But for most people..most people do it without realizing it. 

It could be them talking about movies they like. It could be the post they mentioned you in. It could be the books they recommended to you. It could be the song they added to your playlist on spotify. Or it could be their "how's your day?" or "have you eaten?". It could be mundane thing that they slipped so soundly hoping you'll realize it cause they don't have the guts to tell you how they feel.

maybe..maybe we just need to look more closely just to realize that love is just around the corner.

An Ode to Myself

my heart beats, telling me i'm still here--alive--breathing
telling me--i'm proud of you, for the things you've achieved or not, i am proud
for the progress--the hardship

i am proud

i am proud for the weird songs you listen to, for the OCDs- for the kind words that you've given even when you were hurting- for the flashbacks- for the breakdown- for the dances- for the mistakes- for things that made you realize that you were a human being--

not everyday is a happy day, but not everyday is sad either,

but at least, for today,
i am me, i am me, i'm grateful i am me.


this is an ode to myself--

this is an ode to myself.