Question

"God"
"Yes?"
"Why do pretty human always treated like they do something big to the world, and the ugly treated like they owe something to the world?"

Art and admirer

You saw me.
The light befall your tiny-face making you look like some kind of painting.

I was looking at you, too.
But oh, when i was looking at you i can't help but left in awe, i've never seen art in human except you.

Knowing how much i love art, i don't think it will beat you-you see;
Art stand still, dead-but it describe so many things, making me feel something i can't describe-i love them so much.
But you, you are walking art, seeing you equal seeing every favorite thing in my life, seeing you alive, hearing you breath, seeing you blink; that gives me life. That gives me a believe that miracle exist. Such a perfect human exist.

But, the problem is.
I see you as something so perfect, something that i couldn't reach.
And then i became quiet. I stare, stare, stare. Admire, admire, admire.
In the end an admirer couldn't reach the art. I am only admirer, i can only see.
And i guess she's the artist. She made you. You were made for her.

///

So, me, an admirer.
Saw you in front of me.
I can't help but stare.

And then, you, walking art, or
Walking disaster.
You look at me, the look when an art gives to the admirer. The blank look, the die look, except you, the walking art,
Could look away.

-i'm still writing for you

Kosong

Kosong

Lonely

It's me.
Sitting by the window hearing storms doesn't feel lonely somehow.

Somehow it was more lonely when i left the seat in front you open even though the teacher asked me to sit there--somehow it feels so lonely that if i sat there your eyes will stabbed through me and your laugh will fly across me to her that sitting behind me.

Somehow it feels lonelier when our feet were only 2cm apart--but our soul are divided by another dimension, another fate.

I've never been this lonely until i hear the sweet--warm voice that i longed for so long--run through my ear but never once it called me by name.

It felt so lonely when my eyes caught you and her across the road, talking and all--two of you looks so beautiful--the kind of beauty that need to be painted, but i'm scared i will paint it will blood and tears down my eyes.

Loving you makes me lonely.
I need to stop loving you somehow.

But God, oh. How i love being lonely.

Happy birthday

It's an early birthday greeting:
Happy birthday.
I hope you got what you want, need, and deserve.

It's an early birthday greeting:
The season and month you born in match you so well, cold-yet-tender.

The color of your eyes it's like the color of the golden leaves in autumn.

Your heart-it's fragile isn't it? It's fragile the way leaves fall. I hope you find the girl of your life and never got your heart stepped at.

It's an early birthday greeting:
I hope you cry like idiot when you achieved things you worked hard for-because you works really hard.

It's an early birthday greeting:
I'd like to tell you to give yourself a break-because it's hurts to watch you works too hard like there's no tomorrow.

It's an early birthday greeting:
I hope you became a one fine man and can see the world.

Even the world is her.

I hope you get lost, and wander to a vintage coffee shop in a side of small city, or a beach where everything are blue.

It's an early birthday greeting:
I hope you forget me-but not our memories. I hope someday i will cross your mind and you feel nostalgic, and then she will ask you what are you thinking. You will shake your head and kiss her. Because she is your world. And you will told her how us almost exist back then.

It's an early birthday greeting:
This is the last--i hope you didn't forget your promise, that we made in the past. That you will invite me to your wedding.

And it's really nice if you can read this.

Happy birthday, my conrad, the prince of my mangas book, the boy who grabs my hands lightly like it will crash, and the only person i can imagine married with.

Happy birthday.

Blind

They said

"Love is blind.

Oh baby, you so blind."

Yeah, i'm blind

But my eyes are getting clearer each day.

It may be long until i can finally see

But i'm on my way.

Telaga

Telaga indah

Telapak kaki kucoba

Harapan ku duga-duga

Hati masuk dalam telaga

Tapi dia;

Bagai cahya;

Menghalangi rupa.

Ku gundah

Telaga jua

Tak berbuah terhadap raga.

Prefer

Tell me

Who prefer ugly faces over pretty faces?

Who prefer harsh voices over sweet voices?

Who prefer pale dark lips over milky lips?

Who prefer gloomy eyes over shiny eyes?

Who prefer star over galaxy?

Who prefer  daisy over roses?

Tell me

Who prefer me over her?

The first

"You know what.

He was the first who accepted my feelings. The first to appreciated it. When no one did."

"Maybe it's just for a moment-and it's all in the past now.

But that what's makes me love him so much."

Bekas

Caramu melihat dunia-

Bahkan melihat dia-

Aku jatuh cinta.

Caramu tertawa-

Memegang pena,

Meracik angka.

Kau bersama dia-

Merangkum indahnya senja.

Menghirup pagi asa.

Dan akulah bekasnya.

Tembus pandang

Aku ini tembus.
Aku ini transparan.
Hilang di tepi pandang.

Di matamu.
Mencari sosok di belakangku.
Sosok sang ratu bunga.

Tapi aku apa?
Hanyalah sebuah lebah.

Hanyalah sebuah not,
Disaat dialah judulnya.

Hanyalah seuntai kata.
Disaat dialah bukunya.

Saat kita bersama,
Sudah kau buang.
Ruang--
Sudah kau gantikan
Agar dia dapat mekar.

-

Bookstore

Just like the scene in the book━

You were right there,

and i was here.

I met your eyes before the air could catch my lungs.

You were in front of the store━waiting for something.

I was looking at the books until i was looking at you.



Just like the scene in the book.

Apa

Apa itu angka-
Aku tak peduli.

Apa itu ujian-
Hanyalah secarik kertas belaka.

Apa itu fisika-
Aku tak mau peduli.

Manusia-
Mencari pengakuan dunia;
Kehampaan dunia;
Gelar;
Sarjana;
Universitas ternama;

Tapi aku apa-
Aku hanya ingin meracik tinta;
Dan kibasan cat warna.

Hanya ingin pagi tanpa sehelai murka;
Menuangkan kisah di kanvas bersih.

Hanya ingin bau lautan laut;
Dan sejuta inspirasi di telaga.

Tak ingin mengambil jurusan;
Tak ingin mengetik di depan kacamata;
Tak ingin terbelenggu dengan kertas-kertas dunia;

Apa itu sebenarnya arti hidup-

Diri ini mulai bertanya-tanya.

Koizora

"I want to be the sky.

Not the river.

But the skies.

Then i will instantly know where you are.

If there was something hurting you,

I could fly there and beat it up. I could protect you."

-Hiro Sakurai [koizora]

Mengembara

Anganku mengembara kembali.

Mengembara ke tempat kita bertasbih.

Saat cuaca tidak diperhitungkan awan.

Saat dunia tidak pernah pulang.

.

.

Saat aku kembali,

Kau sudah mendaki;

Sudah pergi-

Sudah tak perduli.

Parallel World

Dear, parallel me.

How are you there in parallel world? Are you taking care of him? I hope you don't forget to buy him foods because that what he likes the most. I hope you draw him monsters because he likes monsters. Oh, please don't bring up his ex. He hates it. When he looks at you, i hope you treasure his beautiful brown eyes. And if he holds your hand, please, please don't ever let it go. When he talks, listen to him with smile in your face. He will feel appreciated. Download movies as much as you can. He will ask and watch it all. His birthday is on oct 27th, please don't forget to say happy birthday to him. After he plays soccer, don't forget to get him a drink. TAKE SELFIES! seriously. Notice his habit, the way he laugh, the way he thumbs up when he compliment people. And when he wants to borrow your phone, let him. He will play games in your phone and trade his with yours. When he looks at you like you are the most beautiful things in the world, please, dont ever let him go, cause he never looked at me like that. And if he says he loves you i hope you will be the happiest person in the world, cause i wish i could. And if he left you, don't avoid him, please, you will regret it everytime in your life, you will see him seeing her with those looks in his eyes, i hope you will not experienced that i like do. Dear me in the parallel world, i hate you. I hate you because in there he loves you. So please, loves him too.

From me, the parallel you.

Hanya itu

Mimpi dibatasi itu rasanya

Sayap burung yang hilang sepadan;

Kandang emas kilat memantul;

Lupa cara terbang.

***

Yang kuinginkan bukan emas telaga;

Tapi gemerlap indah dunia.

Yang kuinginkan bukan gengsi sahaja;

Tapi perpustakaan dan harum samudra.

Bertemu jiwa baru;

Menjelajahi langit;

Tapakan semesta;

Corat coret buku di waktu senggang;

Hanya itu.

Pura-pura

Senyummu puaskan dahagaku

Untaian katamu penuhi ragaku

Terkadang aku malu

Menjadi siang padahal malam

Mengaku tidak padahal iya

Tapi jiwamu sudah kau beri

Kepada wanita yang lebih dari alam

Sosok

Tiba-tiba teringat kamu.

Sosok gelap dibalik ruang pikiran.

Sosok kabur dibalik liang hati.

Sosok lentur dibalik air mata.

Sosok anggun dibalik dekapan dirinya.

The only thing

You're my daydream
You're my floating thoughts in night

You're hope i wish for
You're the face i look for in the crowd

You're the feelings i've never had before
Your eyes are the sun to my moon

You're the ink to my words,
The colours of my drawings.

You're my universe
You're my earth-
My sky-
And everything in between.

But you're the only thing i'll never have...

Previous life

I liked the way woods burn; the smell; and the sound. It's bringing me something nostalgic-like i have slept to it all the time on my previous life.

And your eyes; it's very nostalgic-the first time i saw those eyes i feel something began to takes place, something inside me longing to be into the horizon of your eyes-and the sun, oh. Lightening your color onto me, the perfect match, you and sun. It's feel like--home. Your eyes are my waterfall, the nature at it's purest. And at that very moment i knew that i've been loving your eyes all this time.

Glad

キミに会えて良かった,
i'm glad i met you,

 好きになって良かった
i'm glad i love you.

i

You're perfection

You sweated sparkles when i'm drowning in tears.
You breathed heaven while i'm choked in my own mind.
You smiled flowers when i'm raining blood.
You cried heaven while i'm bursting storm.
You're sun and i'm only moon;
You're planet and i'm only stars;
You're universe and i'm only me;
You're beautiful;

You;

You;

You;

Twisted

Too love in idea of love.

Monolid

No. I don't care.
I can't help myself not to be annoyed when she said that her eyes is only monolid or whatsoever.
But hey,
That "monolid" eyes are the most captivating eyes i've ever seen. The most lovely part which i really love-the part of her that cannot age.

So, i really pissed when she said that her "only monolid" eyes that makes me fall overworld for her.

Half Moon

oh my,
half moon.
half bright-half dark.

Just like me.


-mirai nikki

out of reach

Yes, you're shining.
Yes, your light stabbed through me.
You-Your Smile--You.

Sometimes i asked myself,
if  you even human.
Because,
well you have those wings.
That invinsible wings appeared none to everyone,
but not me.
I see that.
Your wings.
You are a free soul.
It's like you have no problem--connection to this world at all.

It's like.. it's like you are not human.
You're a goddess.
You're like those characters that out from a fairytales

Yeah that's why.
For me human, a merely human being.
You are so very special,
and sadly..
You are so out of reach..

Attractive

"Your soul is attractive"
"You can't even see it"
"That's why. It's not my eyes that attracted, it's my mind, heart, and soul."

Trapped

A bird flew in inside a house, the house that it always longing to peek, the house that smells so nice when the sun down, the house that full of cheerful melody.

But then it inside, the reality is not like how it expected. Yes, it pretty inside house, full of delicious food. Yet it saw something stuck on the top, something that disabled it to go back to it home, sky.

It tried, tried, and tried to push the roof, yet it could'nt go out.
.
.
.

That's me.
That's me longing to know you, to be inside you, to have your heart.

And then i'm breaking.
I'm sick.
Trapped.

I can't go out.
I can't move on.
I'm trapped in you.

falling apart

sometimes we,
can sit next to the person and have no clue of what are they feeling.
Are they mad?
Are they feeling sad? Happy?
or falling apart?


and there you are
sitting next to her.
not realizing me happy, to hear your sound
yet sad
hearing you talk to her.

i'm falling apart

The lie i told you in april

and then, 

i told a lie.

the lie that i said,

that i love him.

and that lie,

was a success.

it finally brought you to me.

-shigatsu wa kimi no uso.

ugly

"hell, you like her?"
"yeah, why?"
"she's ugly as hell."

he smiles.

"I'm so glad."
"huh?"
"I'm so glad that she looks ugly in your eyes or anyone else's"
"why?"
"because if you have mine, then her prettiness would be everyone's else to share, her smile, her rosy cheeks will not be mine only to possess."

Creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

he's running out the door
he's running out
he run run run run...
Run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

He's the sea

"I admired it.

Beyond the sea, beyond the sky... the sun that so far, far away.

It was so bright,

It shined down on me,

It made me warm,

It made me excited.

.

.

.

but,.."

"But?"

"He's the sea."

"what?"

"When i came out of the sea, the surface was filled with sunlight, it was so much fun and exciting..but,

 but i realized it's because the sea was there....that's why i was able to admire the surface."

"Does that mean that you love him?

 . 

 .

 .

 Why are you crying?"

-Nagi No Asukara

More!

"You love her, right?"
"yeah."
"Say it again.
....
 Say it again, that you love her."

"I'm in love with her."
"More!"
"I'm in love with her!"
"More!
 More!
  .......!"
"Hey, would you give it a re--- Hey!"

She runs.
As fast as she can.

It hurts.
The love that i feel for him...it hurts.
It needs to hurt more and more, to push my feelings to him to a breaking point.
So i can throw them away.
So then, will i
Will i be able to give up on him?


-Nagi No Asukara

Jackass

"You really are cruel."

"I thought you knew that. I'm a Jackass."



The air is chilly, and dry as can be. The laundered sheets lend a gentleness to my surroundings.
Such a cruel boy.
Telling me to dream one more time. 
I thought i was satisfied ,because my dream had come true. And i'd told myself it was enough.
Yet here you are, watering this withered heart again
I'm greedy,so
I'm just gonna dream again..


-shigatsu wa kimi no uso

Realize

Hey,
Remember when we used to meet everyday? I didn't really give a damn about you at that time. But, as the time passed by, we grew--and you grew.

I never realized your mole on the top of your nose or your favorite pose when compliment someone. (you raise your hand with thumbs up)
.
.
Which is really cute.

I never realized your high-pitched sound, or your damned beautiful brown eyes.
You don't know right? It was then, you talked to me. The room was dark, the light wrapped in from the window.
I was sitting and you were on your knees and hand on the desk.
The scene--the people of the room--all gone.
The light befall on your eyes, makes they opened up their true color-light brown. And oh my god, i was trapped in it. I couldn't even move back then. It was really beautiful.I was captivated.
And you don't know right?

I never realized your curved-yet-sharp nose. I couldn't think of something cuter than that.
I never realized your little baldy at the back of your head.
I never realized your gentleness-yet coldness towards me.

I was in love back then. And i am.

Wish i realized it sooner, huh.
Now it's too late, i hope she never will realise it.

Her

I wish i had her eyes,
Not because of their beauty
But the moments they captured when you smiled.

I wish i had her smile,
That kind of smile that makes your heart flutters.

I wish i had her skin,
Her skin that kept your fingertips within it.

I wish i had her hands,
The hands that runs through you soft black hair.

I wish i had her lips,
The lips that you-always-longing to kiss.

I wish i had her hair,
The scent that made you can't sleep at night.

I wish i were her,
Her presence-that you love so much

So damn much.
I wish she was me.

Still

At the end of my eye,
There's still tears of missing you
At the tip of my toe
There's still fingertips of yours
At the bloom of my smile
There's still a thought about you
How--the sun made you look from far
How--your smile made me blue as the sky.

Those days i haven't seen you in awhile--made me freakin fool myself that i have moved on, the thought of seeing you with her--do not scare me anymore.
But,
At the corner of my mind,
At the depth of my heart,
I still wish for you somehow.

Pretty faces.. or pretty soul?

big rounded eyes, 
long sharped nose.

red velvet lips,
longing for a kiss.

a curvy silky hair,
spark in the radiant

all i want.
just to be pretty. 
but all i have,
is in reverse.

admit it, everyone love pretty faces.
and me either.
the way they spoil our eyes--the way they amazed us.
the way they made us jealous.

but pretty soul-
no. people rarely have it.
Pretty soul is hidden, they do not open up until you touch them.
even if it's just a little, you can finally see.

the way everyone loves them, not because of their faces, or anything.
but because of their presence.
it's beautiful.
how everyone feels comfortable when they are around.
how their words-and-smile, warm people's heart.

but still,
nobody perfect.

some people with pretty faces, do not have pretty soul,
and pretty soul, do not have pretty face.

if you have both,
then you are a lucky human.

It's just you

I feel pain yet empty feelings in my chest.
Nor quite something happened before.

Or maybe it's the movie i watched an hour ago.

Or maybe it's the books i read a moment before.

Or maybe it's just you.

Nicotine

Cigaratte wrapped around her fingers,
As the smoke flew by the breath she blown.

Her eyes staring sorrowly through the midnight air

"This tingly little things won't stop tingling me. It's here"
she said as her fingers pointing at her chest

"But sometimes i feel it at my stomach, too
Especially when i see you, when your eyes look into mine"

He smiled.

She was happy. She felt so fine after telling him that, and after she saw his smile.
But little did she knows
As the time flew her tingles feel too strong-made her chest thights, her breath stopped at a moment, too.
He never look at her anymore, he didn't even met her eyes when he passed by her, which made her tingles grow stronger and rougher that she realized that it was no longer a tingle
She felt a warm things lifted up from her chest into her nose and then her eyes.
It was tears.

She stares at the moon blankly, and she pulls the nicotine into her lips.

She knows-that that nicotine bad for her lungs, she knows that too well.

But maybe he is more harmful for her heart than the nicotine for her lungs

I am not...

I am not one of those girls
who stilll looks beautiful with their sweats

I am not one of those girls
who have a natural pretty faces

I am not one of those girls
who have their hairs neat after P.E

I am not one of those girls
who will makes other people's pupils wider after get my hair braided

I am not one of those girls
whose the wrinkles besides their eyes makes them so damn beautiful

I am that kind of girl
who will eat chocolate after dinner

I am that kind of girl
who will looks awful after playing soccer

I am that kind of girl
who will never win those natural faces even i have plenty makes up on




why can't i be those girls?

You

You

You-who never absent in my brain,
You-who filled up my before-sleep-mind
And
You-who haunt my over-sensitive heart.

You.
You-who wasted all of my papers
You-who made me ups-and-down
You-who bring out my lewd side

You.
You who left.
You who don't care
You--who make me fall in love

Breathtaking

Breathtaking
.
.
Breathtaking
.

So beautiful ,isn't it? The words.

"You're so breathtaking"

Imagine someone say this to you. How will you feel?
It makes you feel warm, feel something inside you filled up with joy, makes you feel you--and your-from top to toe-are so worth it, and worth their breath.
It makes all of your insecurities gone, and you can finally recognise your  presence-- are beautiful.

But hey,
To you who are reading this

You are so breathtaking

  

 

A Fairytale

Hey everyone.
In case you don't know me well, well i'm--a dreamer.
I love being in something that out of reality, i love fantasy.
I love pouring out my happiness, gratefulness, and even my sorrow--into paper.
Or any other medias.

That's why i find it hard to face reality, i often run from it.
And, by that i mean i do some other things, like drawing, reading books (manga,manwha,novel, etc) , reading poetries or making one. (I LOVE LANG LEAV'S POEMS)

And, so
There we go.
A daydreamer fall in love with a boy.
A boy who lived ( HARRY POTTER) *lol
So.. for you all daydreamers all over the world, don't be like me. It's okay to have dreams, but remember.
You are not in a dream
You are not in a fairytale.

Mouth lies, Heart doesn't

Every single woman.

A little tiny turtle--Kura kura kecil

Turtle oh turtle, stay by my side
Won't you?

A Poem, A Poetry

Those dearest eyes i craved for so long---●﹏●

A Beautiful Creature

To you, that i saw behind of my fragile windows...

A Demon Fox

A DEMON FOX--SILUMAN RUBAH

"Then.., say you don't hate me"
whispered Tomoe as his presence pressured Nanami to her edge.

Nanami was startled, her hearts at once-skips a beats and in pain,
for seeing his dearest, Tomoe's face looks in disappointment.

She crave for the ease of her guiltiness, so she said

"I.. don't hate you."


I wonder.. what's this feeling?

tehee~!